How to give a funny wedding speech (and 10 jokes to use)

Reading Time: 3 Minutes

What we’ll cover:

• Tips for being funny

• 10 classic wedding jokes

Everybody wants to be funny. Some people can.

The good news is, if you can be funny in a speech, people enjoy it more.

It’s also expected to some extent in a wedding speech, whether you are the bride, groom, best man, maid of honour, or a parent – humour helps the speech move along.

But jokes told too nervously – or jokes told badly – fall flat and make people cringe.

So let’s look at how to be funny in your wedding speech, so you have everyone rolling on the floor!

Tips for being funny

The trick to being funny is to speak with confidence, and don’t take too long. Also avoid subjects that are crude.

Here are some ways to use humour in your speech:

Instead of being direct, make an obvious suggestion. I once heard a wedding speech in which the best friend of the groom talked about how they did ‘totally voluntary community service’. He didn’t need to tell the story – everyone laughed.

Use side comments. Make a profound statement and then add a humorous afterthought, e.g. a bride or groom saying “Love is friendship set to music… clearly they’ve never heard me sing.” These can be powerful, but use them sparingly – you can have too much of a good thing.

Use understatement. ‘That was the most beautiful wedding I’ve seen all day.’ Can be very effective, but use carefully – they can offend, hurt feelings, or just fall flat otherwise. Make sure you know your audience and their sense of humour!

Use reverses. A reverse is where you set up the audience to expect one thing and then go the other way. Example: “How can I describe James? This is a big task, and I want to make sure I get this right… he’s my brother.” Here the setup suggests something long, detailed, or lyrical – and then the statement ‘he’s my brother’ comes as a surprise.

Now that you know the general principles of being funny, let’s take a look at 10 classic wedding jokes to give you inspiration:

10 classic wedding jokes

“It’s not so much who wears the pants – as how much money is in the pockets!”
“I always cry at weddings – especially my own!”
“Did you hear about the newlyweds who stayed up all night waiting for their sexual relations to arrive?”
“It was the first night of the newlyweds in their bridal suite, and the young husband was staring out the window, while his bride was waiting in bed. “Aren’t you coming to bed?” she asked. “Not on your life,” he replied. “My mother told me this would be the best night of my life, and I’m not going to miss a damn second!”
“They’ve been together for so long, the band should have played the ‘Hallelujah Chorus!’”
“Live each day as if it were your first… and each night as if it were your last!”
“The first time I ever set eyes on NAME, to me she was drop dead gorgeous. I said ‘you’re gorgeous,’ and she said ‘drop dead.’”
“NAME was not a pretty baby: his/her mother didn’t get morning sickness until after he/she/they was born!”
“They married for better or worse – he couldn’t have done better, and she could have done worse!”
“As the newlyweds arrived by taxi at their hotel for the honeymoon, the bride whispered: “Darling, I don’t want people to know we’re newlyweds I want them to think we’ve been married for years.” The groom said: “Are you sure you can manage both suitcases?”

There you have it – everything you need to know to give the funniest wedding speech your audience has ever heard! But just remember: make sure you practise your speech.

In the heat of the moment it can be easy to stumble – particularly if the speeches are coming after food, drink, and partying.

So let me say it again: practise your speech – especially the jokes!

About the author: Alexander Westenberg, milestone speechwriter, is a teacher, a musician, and long-time speechwriter. Read more…

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Inside you’ll find learn:

Why the wedding speech matters
The 3 most common hooks for your speech
The time-tested 'Rule of One' that can make the difference between a speech that makes an impact... and a speech that doesn't
4 steps to finishing your speech with the perfect wedding toast
...and more!