What About The Speech?
How to get laughs, tears, and thunderous applause
How to write a good wedding speech
Reading Time: 5 Minutes
What we’ll cover:
• Why your speech matters
• How long should the speech be?
• Why you need to prepare
• Questions to ask when preparing your speech
• How to structure your speech
• Using Quotes
• What if I get emotional?
• Practise!!
You’ve got a wedding coming up. Congratulations. But if you’re secretly wondering how on earth you’re going to give a speech on the big day, rest assured you’re not alone.
- 2,900 people search ‘best man speech opening lines’ every month
- 6,600 search ‘wedding speech examples’
- 1,000 search ‘how to give a wedding speech maid of honour’
- …and the list goes on.
And these numbers are for Australia (my home) only!
Why your speech matters
Of course, wedding speeches matter. But here’s why it’s important that they’re good:
Everyone remembers the speeches at a wedding.
They might not remember what was actually said, but they always remember if it was:
- Too long
- Too quiet
- Too loud
- Boring
- Emotional
- A mess
- …and so on.
The good news is, if it’s great, they remember that too – and they’re more likely to remember things you actually said!
Which means the meaningful message you want to give actually gets heard.
So in this short guide we’re going to look at the basic tools you need for a wedding speech that gets remembered – and celebrated!
How long should the speech be?
This is probably the most important question. As a rule, a good wedding speech is no shorter than 3 minutes, and no longer than 10.
Why?
Because if it’s too short, people feel like they’re being left hanging – and you don’t have enough time to make a real impression.
But if it’s too long, people switch off – and good points get buried by too many words!
2-5 minutes is a good length to aim for.
That’s 300-650 words, by the way.
Why you need to prepare
Whether you use notes or write out your speech in full, it’s important that you prepare. Preparing gives you time to find the best way to say the feelings and thoughts you have inside you.
Even if you’re normally good at improvisation, this story should show you why it’s especially important to prepare for wedding speeches:
An expert salesman who was great at talking off the cuff decided to ‘wing’ his speech at his son’s wedding. Running high on excitement (and probably some good food and drink!), he accidentally gave a toast ‘to my son and his first wife.’ That’s hard to live down.
The message is simple: prepare your speech.
Questions to ask when preparing your speech
When preparing your speech, ask yourself these three questions – and write down the answers. They will form the basis for a standout speech.
1. Who are you speaking to?
Politics, culture, ethnicities, occupations. They all matter. If you’re talking to a roomful of doctors, what you say would be different from what you would say to a roomful of Irish dairy farmers! Think about what (if anything) your audience has in common, and keep that in mind when writing. If they don’t have something in common, don’t talk to one group and exclude another.
2. Who should you address your speech to?
This will depend on your role, but a good wedding speech will usually address three groups:
- The newlyweds
- Their families
- Everyone else
This applies whether you’re the bride, the groom, or anyone else. Make sure you are clear on who you’re addressing at any point.
3. What is the one thing you want to say to each group?
Your answer to this question will normally suggest the overall structure of your speech (more on that below).
How to structure your speech
Having a clear structure to your speech stops you from rambling, going on too long, or forgetting your best material. Without a good structure, all the beautiful things you want to say get lost or lose their impact.
Here’s a basic outline of a simple but effective wedding speech:
Hook (often a joke or a story)
The one thing you want to say about the newlyweds (or your relationship/partner).
The one thing you want to say to the newlyweds’ families (optional)
The one thing you want to say to the newlyweds (or your partner)
The toast (more on this in the bonus section at the end)
Using Quotes
Quotes can be a powerful technique in any good speech. You can use them as a hook, a closing statement, or as the subject of your toast. If you use a quote as a hook or as a transition from one point to another, you need to expand on it; if it’s used at the end, it should be a strong finisher that doesn’t need explanation. Quotes can take several forms:
Sayings/aphorisms
“Everyone smiles in the same language.”
Definitions
“Marriage is the best method for getting acquainted” ~ Heywood Broun
Quotes from famous people
“Never above you. Never below you. Always beside you.” ~ Walter Winchell
Songs/poems
E.g.:
“How much I love I know not, life not know
Save as some unit I would add love by;
But this I know, my being is but thine own
Fused from its separateness by ecstasy.” ~ She, To Him IV, Thomas Hardy
Be careful not to quote too much. Quotes should drive your words, not drown them. For this reason, when you quote from songs and poems, choose only short excerpts.
What if I get emotional?
Getting a little emotional is okay – getting a lot emotional just makes things awkward for everyone else. Preparing and practising helps with this – which is why you should always practise your wedding speech.
This includes preparing for possible emotional sticking points. Identify the points where you’re most likely to become emotional, and plan some funny one-liners to get you (and everyone else) through and make everyone laugh. Examples:
- In one speech I worked on (included in the ‘Bonuses’ section of this guide), when the speaker was talking about the loving things ‘that stick with you’, I gave her the following one-liner to use if she started tearing up: “It looks like one of them got stuck in my eye.” (She told me later she was actually sad she didn’t tear up at that moment, because she knew what a hit the one-liner would have been!)
- During another speech I was present for, the speaker got very emotional. At that moment, the grandfather clock behind him started to chime, so, being quick-witted, he turned around and jokingly pretended to fix the clock – everyone laughed.
Preparing humorous one-liners is a good way to get through emotional moments (or the fear of them). But if your emotions become too strong, or you can’t think of what to say, just take a moment. Take your time, have a drink, and take a deep breath. Then resume when you’re ready.
Practise!!
I’ve mentioned this before, but make sure you practise your speech. In the heat of the moment it can be easy to stumble – particularly if the speeches are coming after food, drink, and partying.
So let me say it again: practise your speech.
And there you have it – the complete guide to writing a great wedding speech!
About the author: Alexander Westenberg, milestone speechwriter, is a teacher, a musician, and long-time speechwriter. Read more…
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Inside you’ll find learn:
- Why the wedding speech matters
- The 3 most common hooks for your speech
- The time-tested 'Rule of One' that can make the difference between a speech that makes an impact... and a speech that doesn't
- 4 steps to finishing your speech with the perfect wedding toast
- ...and more!