What About The Speech?
How to get laughs, tears, and thunderous applause
Who does the speeches at a wedding?
Reading Time: 5 Minutes
What we’ll cover:
• The traditional list of wedding speakers
• The modern list of wedding speakers
• Questions to ask when planning who you want to speak at your wedding
• Who does the welcome speech at a wedding?
• The one speaker you can’t do without
Planning a wedding is stressful. And often this is never truer than it is when it comes to the speeches.
Why?
Because there are so many questions: how long should the speeches be? What’s the correct order? How do you even write them?
You just don’t know. But one of the biggest questions by far is: “who actually speaks at the wedding?
Let’s start by taking a look at the traditional answer to this question.
The traditional list of wedding speakers
Depending on how you frame it, traditionally there are 3-5 speeches (or wedding toasts, as they’re also called), which usually followed a set order:
The short version:
- Father of the Bride
- Groom
- Best Man
The longer version:
- Father of the Bride
- Groom
- Best Man
- Uncle or family friend
- Father of the Groom
In a traditional setting, each speech had a fairly clear expectation of what would be said (read this article if you want to learn more).
But as you can probably see, the traditional list of speakers lacks something very important: women.
That’s why these days the list is usually a little different. Let’s take a look at that now.
The modern list of wedding speakers
As we’ve become more equal as a society, it’s usually expected that the women in the wedding party speak as well. as a result, the usual modern list of wedding speeches might look something like this:
- Parent(s) of the Bride
- Best Man
- Maid of Honour/Chief Bridesmaid
- Bride & Groom (separately or together)
- (Less common) Parent(s) of the Groom.
In the modern list, there’s also a lot more flexibility in terms of order.
But it’s important to remember that this list isn’t ‘Gospel truth’, as they say. Instead it’s just how a lot of weddings end up doing it.
A much better way to decide who does what at a wedding is to start by looking at the ‘jobs to be done’, and go from there. Let me explain.
Questions to ask when planning who you want to speak at your wedding
Instead of looking for a ‘right’ list of who MUST speak at your wedding, it’s better to do some soul searching about who would actually be best for your wedding speeches. Here are some important questions to help you make this decision:
1. Do YOU want to speak?
This is important because some couples feel obligated to give a speech. But the truth is, you don’t have to unless you want to. Because you’re the reason everyone’s there, you DO have to at least get up and say thank you to everyone, but if you don’t want to speak, then a thank you is enough.
This goes for both the newlyweds. If one of you doesn’t want to speak, the other can speak on their behalf. If you both want to speak, you can speak separately or together. If neither of you wants to speak, just get up together, say thank you, kiss so everyone claps, then sit down!
2. Who knows you best/are you closest to?
For some people, this is their family. For others, it’s their friends. Whatever the answer, that’s probably a good place to start.
As a rule, it’s nice to have at least one speaker from each couple’s life. This is why the Best Man and Maid of Honour almost always speak.
3. Would it make you happy (emotional, laugh, etc) if NAME spoke?
When you consider the list of people who might speak, ask yourself if you’ll actually like listening to them. If you don’t get on with your parents, maybe say that neither set of parents will speak – that cuts out the awkwardness.
4. Who will be offended if you don’t let them speak?
I know it’s not romantic, but some things about weddings just have to be pragmatic. If you know it’s going to cause fights if you don’t let your parent(s) speak, for example, then maybe just let them. But you can make sure it goes smoothly…
The trick is to create a theme and a time limit for every speech. A good rule to tell all your speakers is 3-5 minutes. The more speakers, the shorter the speech, by the way.
Then you can give each person a ‘job to do’ in the speech/. for example, you can ask your first speaker to thank and toast the parents. The next might toast the wedding party, and so on.
If you plan ahead, speeches can flow smoothly without any dramas.
5. Will the audience like to listen to them?
Don’t forget that although it’s your big day, the audience still matters. Don’t inflict a long and boring speaker on them. If you can’t trust someone, either don’t let them speak, write their speech for them, or have someone else do it.
That reminds me. Because the audience didn’t plan the wedding, they don’t know what’s coming. So you have to keep them informed, especially about the general structure of the night. After all, every wedding is different – so your welcome speech needs to tell them how things will go.
That then leads to the following question:
Who does the welcome speech at a wedding?
The short answer is: the MC. The purpose of the welcome speech is to… umm… welcome people (duh). But it’s also to make sure nobody’s confused about the general structure of the night.
I know it sounds like a small thing, but if your welcome speech isn’t clear and doesn’t make things clear to the audience, that’s when trouble starts. Which is why, whatever list of speakers you choose, there is one speaker you can NEVER do without…
The one speaker you can’t do without
This speaker is the MC – the Master of Ceremonies. The MC’s job is to make sure everything runs smoothly. And who doesn’t want that on their wedding, right?
One reason you need someone to do the MC role is because people get caught up in their own good time. They don’t always notice things happening, and then YOU feel like the moment wasn’t special, ‘cos everyone was talking through it, and THEY feel like they missed out on a special moment.
So you need a good MC to do this:
- Give the welcome speech (see above)
- Announce the arrival of the couple (if they’re doing a big entrance)
- Get everyone’s attention before the speeches begin
- Introduce the speakers
- Get everyone’s attention at
- Announce any other important happenings (e.g. the couple’s departure., if that’s happening, or the first dance, etc.) the cutting of the cake
Anyone can fill the role of the MC – even one of the wedding party – you just can’t leave it to chance!
And there you have it – the complete answer to who gives a speech at the wedding. The usual answer is bride/groom, best man/maid of honour, and then maybe friends or family. But it’s up to you, as long as you think ahead! Now go have a great day!
About the author: Alexander Westenberg, milestone speechwriter, is a teacher, a musician, and long-time speechwriter. Read more…
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Inside you’ll find learn:
- Why the wedding speech matters
- The 3 most common hooks for your speech
- The time-tested 'Rule of One' that can make the difference between a speech that makes an impact... and a speech that doesn't
- 4 steps to finishing your speech with the perfect wedding toast
- ...and more!